As a teenager I didn’t have an easy time at school. Don’t get me wrong some parts where great and others not so much. It’s the time of year when I would have left school for what feels like a lifetime ago. I was quite insecure about myself back then, and it got me thinking about how much I’ve changed and become way more confident.
- My size – I have always been small, in height and in figure. I don’t mind being small, I haven’t grown upwards in 6 years so I don’t think I’ll shoot up any time soon! However I have always had a small figure and at school at lot of the girls would comment on it. It wasn’t even just girls sometime adults too. They would tell me how skinny I was and that I needed to eat more. For a long time I thought they were right, so I would eat junk food in hope to get bigger. But having a high metabolism meant it didn’t really work. After school was over I realised it wasn’t okay to be told that, just because I’m skinny doesn’t mean people have the right to tell me to eat more. So I stopped fighting my metabolism and just accepted that I’m small. And in no way am I bragging about it. At school it was made out to be a bad thing and I’ve realised it’s definitely not!
- My boobs – This sort of coincides with the first point. Being slim meant that my boobs would never be big. For the longest time I wished I had bigger boobs. I wanted to be able to wear tops that were low cut without feeling super conscious and like everyone was looking at me and thinking ‘Wow, look at her small boobs. How small!’ When in reality that probably wasn’t the case. I used to think that when I was older that I’d get a boob job so I wouldn’t be so self conscious. However now that a few years have passed I am no longer obsessed with having bigger boobs and I’m definitely not about to get a boob job! Plus my boobs may not be big but they certainly aren’t small any more!
- That I didn’t fit in – I never really had my own little group at school that I fitted into. Other than a few good years at secondary school, I struggled to find my niche. I always knew I was weird and people used to make me feel silly for saying or doing things. So I never used to do things that I would think other people would think me weird for doing.
Now I am more comfortable in myself and I don’t particularly care if people don’t like me and I don’t fit into their niche. I have found my niche, and my blog is now part of that.
- That I loved Disney – Growing up Disney films/programmes were a common thing in my household. And so my room had Disney ornaments and toys and things. This was my normal and whenever I had friends come over they made me feel silly for having such things. However after years of sleepovers I came to accept that my room is my room, just because someone has an opinion on it that is different to mine doesn’t mean they have the right to make me feel silly. Especially in a place I consider my sanctuary. Even now I am happy to admit I love to watch a good Disney film!
- My appearance – More specifically my facial appearance. As a young/mid teen I hated my appearance. When I was younger the boys at school would make fun of how big my lips were. Then at secondary school a girl whom I thought was my friend, made a list comparing me to the other girls that she’d written in her diary. This affected me more than I care to admit when I was a teen. It’s awful that I still remember this list and what it said. But nonetheless I didn’t like looking into the mirror for too long. My brain seemed particularly good at pointing out my flaws and things I wish would change.
But by making myself feel shitty for how I appear isn’t going to change anything, or make anything better. This is where the fascination began for makeup. I began to think more positively towards myself, because no one has the right to make me feel unworthy or ugly. Not even me.
Don’t get me wrong, sometimes I still get a little insecure about a few of these. Then I remember I don’t need to feel insecure about how I look or my boob size. I am who I am and that’s that. Thank you so much for reading, until next time.