Over the past two months my blog and YouTube channel have really been taking a back seat. If you’re read my Spreading Positivity post or seen my Current Fave’s video, you’ll know I have been changing my life. And I can tell you it was scary.
Over the summer I became single, the relationship wasn’t working any more. In the relationship I had been heavily reliant on him. I’ve never had loads of friends and it was always easier to just chat to him about things because he was my best friend too. I knew it wasn’t healthy to be so reliant or dependent on one person.
One thing I’ve always known is that I am not okay on my own. I used to really struggle just being in my own company and chilling out. I was always doing something, I never really given time to be okay in my own company. And breaking up with someone really highlights this. If you’d like me to do a more in depth post on this and how I helped deal and change this, please let me know because I am more than happy to!
And so with that change in full swing and getting used to being confident being alone, I also went through a rough patch in my mental health. I found myself getting more and more down and I was having minimum two panic attacks everyday. I became so unhealthy mentally that I had a breakdown at work and ended up going to the doctors. That was probably the lowest point.
From that point I knew I needed to change something. Not only my outlook on life and how I let things effect me, but also what I was doing with my life. It was one of those things in life that when you want a certain thing that you haven’t yet attained or reached that point in your life that you see it everywhere i.e. having a house, being in a relationship or travelling. And that power of social media got to me.
So in a bid to change my life, I did two things: apply for apprenticeships and apply for a university course. Whilst I enjoyed the job I was in, I never saw myself doing it forever and there are only so many things it can progress to. There are other branches of the industry, but I had tried one that I always thought I would love, but the people there were so miserable and it was so uninspiring. I was gutted.
In short I got an interview for an apprentice digital marketing apprentice as well as for HNC/D media makeup. Coincidently in the same week. I got the place on the uni course and waited two weeks to hear back from the apprenticeship (which felt like forever!). I ended up not getting the apprenticeship (they claimed they called me multiple times but I never got a missed call or email!) and so I had around 4 weeks until the university course started.
I hadn’t yet accepted my place on the course, partially because I was putting off the decision. I enjoyed my job and the thought of this much change in my life, not having a job and not knowing where I wanted to go after the course was confusing. I have never been in that kind of position before. When going for previous jobs when I tried to get out of the industry I trained in was so difficult and ended up going back into it.
So with 3 weeks until the course, yes I like to cut decisions very fine, I went for the plunge and handed into the notice to my job. My manager and I waited until I had two weeks left before telling anyone (I hate fuss and people constantly asking the same questions or mentioning that I would be leaving is annoying af). It was so weird to leave a job where I had a fab manager and I got on with people I worked with. I had felt valued and like I was good at my job (even though I know I am but it’s always nice to feel appreciated and not like just another dogs body). It was my first employment where I realised I can work somewhere and enjoy it, I be listened to and my mental health isn’t brushed off. It’s crazy how many managers brush off anxiety or depression and make you feel like your going insane.
Now I have completed my first semester of my university course and it has been a whirlwind. There is so much coursework! It goes at such a fast pace and it’s a lot to keep up with! I have also got a part time job in retail. So my fears of not being in employment or making the wrong choice, at the time were justified, but now I have started this new chapter I realise I needed this change in my life. I have learnt so much and stepped so far out of my comfort zone that my comfort zone has extended.
I am a firm believe in that everything happens for a reason. I wasn’t meant to do the apprenticeship or pursue that career, I was meant to be where I am. I am looking forward to where it takes me and the doors it will open up.
On a slightly different note, over the past almost two weeks I have been running a giveaway, and I can reveal the winner:
Congratulations Jessica! I have contacted her to let her know she’s won! Thank you so much to everyone who entered, and even if you didn’t thank you all so much for reading my blog and supporting me and I just love my little space on the internet! Getting to share things with you all and the positive feedback is amazing!
Thank you so much for reading, until next time!