It feels like it has been the longest week. I have been more anxious and had more panic attacks over the past 7 days then I have over the past two months. It started after waking up from a dream having a panic attack last Sunday and since then I have been unable to shake off the feeling of being constantly on edge.
Mental health works in strange ways. Today for example, I woke up happier than I had in a while and had a really chilled morning. I went out in the afternoon, but whilst I was out anxiety was creeping up on me and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t fully relax because I could feel the anxiety creeping up higher and higher and it wouldn’t shake.
Over the week I have felt so low, like I’m not good enough for anything or anyone. I get the urge to just get up and leave and everyone will be better off. Which I know isn’t a healthy way to think. For me there are a handful of things I can do but mainly it’s ride out the feelings until they fade away. Sometimes they can last all day, sometimes it can stretch over a few days and if I’m lucky it might only last a few hours.
Whenever I’m feeling anxious or having a panic attack it always makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me. That I can’t just be ‘normal’ and not feel anxiety or have panic attacks or feel down. I know that for now it’s apart of me, a part of me I am constantly battling and determined to not get the better of me. Having those 3 chained to me can be an internal battle of who’s going to win. But it’s me every time.
Having panic attacks, anxiety and depression is normal. It may not feel normal or okay at the time, but once it’s passed the battle has been won. I know that the feeling won’t last forever, it may take time for it to be subdued, but that time will come nonetheless.
Life is unpredictable and crazy. No one can tell what the future holds or where the next turn will lead. One thing I am sure of is that just because I have had a bad week it doesn’t mean I’m going to feel this way for the rest of my life. I am constantly working on myself and getting better at dealing with anxiety and having panic attacks outside of my room. It’s okay to feel this way and it doesn’t mean that I am not a good enough person.
I hope where ever you are in this big wide world you know you are enough. You are more than enough. Thank you for reading, until next time.