For over a year now I have been single and with that I have come to deal with a lot of different emotions and thoughts. Everyone deals with being single differently and for me it was the first time I had been single since being 16, which was a while ago now.
I have made it no secret here on my blog I have suffered with anxiety and depression. I may not go into detail about it a lot, but it’s not something I feel the need to hide nor not mention. When I became single I was afraid of being alone and having to deal with myself. That sounds a little crazy, but in the relationship I used it as a way of not dealing with my own issues and ignoring them, which I definitely do not recommend doing.
I had never really given myself time to just be me, without seeing any boys or being in a relationship. So to deal with my mental health was something I had put off doing for a really long time. I was scared to be alone and actually deal with everything.
Over the last 12-18 months I have really given myself the time I needed to figure out who I am, what I like and where I want to be. Dealing with anxiety and depression is a constant battle, what works for one person might not work for another and it’s about finding something that works for you. Part of being lonely I have found a few ways to not only deal with loneliness but also anxiety and depression, they all seem to go hand in hand. Personally I have found writing my feelings down in a notebook to be really helpful, it gets everything out of my head and helps me to make sense of it all whilst finding the cause of the negative feelings.
I also enjoy going to the gym, which is something I started to do earlier in year. It gives me something else to focus on rather than dwell it what’s making me feel down. Which in turn makes me feel better as exercising releases endorphins which are the bodies natural chemical that can make you feel happier and less stressed. It gets me out of the house and thinking about what I’m doing rather than the endless cycle of thoughts in my head.
Another thing I have found that has improved my mental health is to accept that not every day is going to be a great day. I always thought for a long time I needed to feel happy every day in order to get over depression and anxiety. When actually I’ve found, that’s a terrible mindset to have. I’m only human and of course some days are going to be better than others. Allowing myself to feel down/anxious about things is okay. It doesn’t mean I’m going backwards in my mental health, it just means that in order for those feelings to fade out I need to feel them before moving on. Ignoring the anxious/down feelings I have found only made them and me worse in the long run.
Being lonely is something I have dealt with quite a lot. It’s an awful feeling to feel alone and like you don’t have anyone to talk to. Whether that be in regards to friends or in potential partners. Whenever I feel lonely I strike up a conversation with a friend or my family, because I know the voice in my head that tells me I’m being annoying is wrong. The people I’m friends with are my friends for a reason and even if it’s just a small conversation with nothing to do about how I’m feeling.
Finally I have found that a number of my friends also are scared to be alone and feel lonely. Of course everyone ultimately wants to love and be loved. By opening up that topic I have had so many conversations about feeling lonely and not wanting to be alone. Sometimes it’s easy to get stuck in the trap of thinking you’re being annoying or not wanting to bother people, when in reality your probably not being either of those things.
Even when I do feel lonely, anxious or depressed I have come to know it’s only temporary and it will pass. Feeling negative emotions is part of being human and part of me, but it’s how those feelings are dealt with that make the impact. Training my brain to change the way I think and react has taken such a long time to achieve, even now I continue to work on it. If you have any tips/advice you’d like to share please let me know in the comments below!