I haven’t written about my anxiety for a little while now. Recently you may have read about my day trip to London, which you can read here. I haven’t been to London for years, it always triggered my anxiety with the huge crowds of people and constant bustling. So for a long time I never went back. However I recently went back and I really surprised myself.
One of my best friends and I decided on the Saturday night to go to London for the day as she’d never been. I felt quite nervous to go as big crowds can trigger my anxiety, as well as lots of people crammed into the tube. So I was slightly apprehensive, but I wanted to go and prove to myself anxiety doesn’t need to hold me back.
I am so glad I went. I has such an amazing day, I didn’t feel anxious once. Even when crammed on the tube! I really surprised myself on the day at not even feeling on edge or anything.
Weirdly enough it only hit me twice during the day at how much my mental health has so dramatically improved. The first time being at the natural history museum, when we looked out onto the escalator going up to the volcano and earthquake section. Years ago I went to London to see a musician and staying overnight with my then abusive boyfriend. We ended up arguing for the entire trip, before going home on the next day we went to the natural history museum. Where I looked out over the balcony, watching all the people wander around, going up the escalator and I told my mum what was going on. I didn’t even clock that that was where we started breaking up, until I looked out over that balcony and it all came back to me.
The second time when we were wandering through Oxford Street, amongst the crowds and crowds of people. Not once did I feel like I was getting claustrophobic or too much for me.
I know it sounds crazy and over time people change. But it wasn’t until I went to London, years later for it to clock how much I have changed. Don’t get me wrong, anxiety still affects me but not as often as it used to. Over the last 3 or so years I have really worked hard on improving myself and getting over things that have happened to me.
With the new year starting, I just feel so proud of myself and all the things I have achieved last year. Going to London was such a great, spontaneous day out. Proving to myself that anxiety no longer holds a grip on me like it used to. Roll on the adventures 2020 brings!