The lockdown here in the UK has now been extended for another 3 weeks after already being on lockdown for the last 3 weeks. With the world feeling like we are at a stand still, it feels like it’s a long way off until everything will be back to normal.
At the beginning of this lockdown I was all about making the most of the time we have off and being as productive as possible, but it’s just not realistic. I even wrote a blog post on things I had been doing to be productive like learning something new and having a huge sort out of my room. Don’t get me wrong I have been doing those things but it’s just not realistic to do that throughout all this time.
I have been feeling a bit frustrated with the fact that my life is basically on hold. As I’m writing this I should be on holiday in Barcelona with my best friend, yet here I am in my room feeling a bit sorry for myself. Which is totally normal. Whilst I do feel grateful for mine and my family’s health, I still can’t help feeling this way. I, like millions across the globe, had plans for 2020 that are now on hold for an indefinite amount of time. Which is probably the scariest thing of all, is that no one know how long this is going to impact everyone’s lives and probably what triggers my anxiety most.
With all this time now suddenly freed up and not being able to go anywhere it’s really made me think more about myself and how I view myself. Sometimes I can be overly critical of myself and only ever see negatives in the mirror. But actually whilst my body shape may fluctuate and change, it’s got me through a hell of a lot. Feeling guilty because I’ve eaten too much and now feel bloated won’t do anything to make the situation better. Society may show gorgeous women with bodies I deem better than mine, when in reality every body is different. Some are altered whether digitally or through procedures. Others aren’t altered at all. The only thing altered is our thinking that we need to look/have certain things to be deemed beautiful by society. Who deemed it that women need to have big boobs, slim waist and a big arse to be portrayed at the perfect body?!
I’ve realised in this time off if you will, that actually the only person who cares my boobs are small and a bit uneven is me, the only person who thinks my body isn’t a ‘perfect’ shape is me. I have always been conscious of my boobs, when really I don’t need to be. Their size doesn’t matter, and if anyone has a problem with it then they can do one. I never really wore low cut tops because to me it made their size more obvious, but actually being in my twenties is their prime time to be out. So that’s exactly what I plan to do when this is over, life is too short to not wear and do the things you wanna do.
Isolation has really effected us all and it’s okay to have down days and days where you feel like not doing anything but binge watch Netflix or Disney+. Whether you’re being productive making a Tik Tok or Insta account and trying to grow your side hustle. Or just watching as many series as possible on Netflix, it doesn’t matter how you spend your quarantine time as long as it makes you happy.
After being home for 4 weeks I have gone through all the motions of having productive days and days where I’ve just played animal crossing and watched Netflix. Sometimes I feel more self critical than other days. Sometimes I feel like I don’t have anything to show for this time off except some extra instagram content and currently being on my 4th house renovation in animal crossing. But did it make me happy at the time, absolutely.
Quarantine will change us all, mentally and physically. As much as I can’t wait for this to be over, I am trying to appreciate this weird time to relax and really focus on myself.